An Unexpected Inner Journey
by erithwolf
Summary: AU. Thranduil has been bullied in both school and home his whole life. Will a new start on a new school change everything or will he continue his life stuck in a treadmill? Warnings: Selfharm, abuse, bullying, swearing.
1. Chapter 1

_Just one more, one more... This will be the last time I am doing this. I have promised myself this and I will fulfill it... _He thought as he pressed the sharp razor blade against his wrist, scratching the soft skin. Small droplets of blood slowly poured out of the self-inflicted cut and down to the sides of his wrist. He felt warm tears trickle his cheeks as he continued making cut after cut on his stinging skin. He stopped when his head started to spin and just sat down for a few minutes before he got up from the bathroom floor and washed away the now dried blood. Thranduil stared at himself in the mirror; the left side of his face looking horrid as always with his eye misty and milky white and the skin gruesomely rough and scarred in pink. The right side was as any normal face with a normal blue, lively eye and soft, pale skin. He stared at the left side in disgust, trying to remember that it was his father's creation, not his but it was hard. He already hated himself so much it sickened him, even more since he was staring at himself and thinking of how ugly and disgusting he was, doing the exact opposite way of what his counselor had told him to do. He wasn't supposed to cut, he wasn't supposed to loathe himself every hour, every minute, _every_ second of his life but it went that way no matter how hard he tried not to.

"Thranduil you pig, get out of there! I need to shower!" Oropher's voice was sluggish, Thranduil could already tell that his father had been drinking alcohol and he knew the consequences if he didn't get out this instant. Thranduil put away his razor in its hiding place and flushed the bloody bits of toilet paper away, hurried out of the toilet without giving his father a glance. He locked himself inside his room and slumped down on the bed, grabbed the mp3-player and started the music.

"Thranduil Mirkel?" The teacher searched around the classroom to find the said teenager. Thranduil sunk down on his place, wanting to disappear into the table. Everyone in his new class turned around and looked at him with questioning eyes. He could almost hear their thoughts; _Why does he looks so weird? Why does he have such a weird name? Ew, what a disgusting face! _

This was the third time he had switched high school because of bullying and this time, he hoped things would change then what they had been before.

"I am here", his voice was quiet and hoarse and he hated how it sounded. The teacher, he didn't remember her name, smiled and nodded at him before continuing through the name list. The whole class was here and their next lesson would start in half an hour. Thranduil pulled his sketchbook out of his bag and started sketching. Most of the time, he sketched images from his head but this time he sketched off a dying flower that stood in a window near him. Even though he had limited vision, he had become accustomed to have one eye so drawing was not a problem for him. A girl sat down at the empty place beside him, he couldn't see what she looked like as she was sitting on his left side but he didn't pay much attention to her. By the time the first lesson started, he finished the drawing. The girl was still sitting beside him but she hadn't said a word the entire time.

"Thranduil, could you answer the question please?" A male voice asked. Thranduil looked up, the man standing at the desk was a well-built man. He had long, ginger painted hair with a lush, braided beard. His eyes were blue and small. Thranduil felt his cheeks burning up, he hadn't heard the question, he had been too engulfed by finishing his drawing.

"I am sorry, I did not hear the question", he murmured, staring at the table and wishing he wasn't there.

"Then I will let someone else answer it", the teacher simply replied and looked at the girl beside Thranduil. "Tauriel"? He raised his eyebrows whilst waiting for an answer. She answered the question quickly without any doubts, her eyes started to glow when she talked and when she was done, she gave off a confident smile.

The lesson ended, Thranduil collected his things, put them in his bag and quickly went out of the classroom. He checked the schedule, his next class wouldn't begin for another hour so he looked for the cafeteria, sat down at one of the tables and waited for the next lesson to begin. Three sturdy looking boys in his own age came walking towards him. He saw hate burning in their eyes as they sat down on the three chairs left at his table.

"Hello there _Thranduil_", the one to the left said, he ridiculed Thranduil's name and laughed, the other two laughing with him. He had long dirty, blonde hair and sky blue eyes, on his body he wore a black leather jacket and dark blue jeans.

"Are you liking the new school burn face?" the other boy asked, he looked quite alike to the blonde boy sitting beside him only that he had dark brown hair.

"Shut up Fíli and Kíli, I have the best name for this twat. Blindy burned!" the third teen said whilst smiling triumphantly, Fíli and Kíli laughed heartily at his words. "I'm Thorin", he smiled smugly and stared at Thranduil with burning eyes. His hair was long and curly, reaching down below his shoulders, his eyes sharp.

"You know BB, you don't really belong here with your dandy clothes and ugly face. If you don't want your face smacked you should get away from our cafeteria and table", Thorin hissed and leaned towards Thranduil. Thranduil could feel his breath against his face. He obeyed Thorin's demand without question and hurried out from the cafeteria. He went out to the schoolyard and sat down on a bench, trying to collect himself and stop himself from bursting out crying. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat but it was too much; his emotions spilled over and he burst out crying. He hid behind his long, silver blonde hair and sobbed quietly.

"Why are you sitting her by yourself?" Thranduil jerked by the sudden sound, looked up to see a quite chubby, light blonde curly-haired teen in his own age with a concerned look on his face, in front of him. "And why are you crying? Did something happen?"

Thranduil tried to think of something to say, a lie perhaps, but nothing good came to his mind.

"I-... I am new at this school. This is my first day. Some people was mean to me", he blurted out, immediately regretting he said the truth. The boy frowned and crossed his arms, "You mean Fíli, Kíli and Thorin right? They're mean to everyone that's new. They were nasty to me when I was new", he said. "So you're not the only one", he added.

Thranduil nodded, unsure what to reply. The boy sat down beside him. "I'm Bilbo. Bilbo Baggins.", he reached out his hand for Thranduil to shake, "Pleased to meet you."

Thranduil shook his hand and managed to smile at him. "I am Thranduil. Thranduil Mirkel."  
Bilbo's eyes went wide.

"Mirkel? You're the son of the famous lawyer Oropher Mirkel?" he blurted out excitedely. Thranduil nodded, "Yes, why?"

"I've followed his cases around. I think he's a really laid back and awesome lawyer! I aspire to be like him one day."

Thranduil was quite thrown back by the boy's words; _he _thought Oropher was awesome and aimed to be like him one day?

_If you knew him you would not like him at all, _Thranduil was about to say but kept it for himself. If he even breathed something about his father's problems with alcohol, Oropher would literally kill him.

Bilbo cast an eye at his yellow wristwatch and quickly rose to his feet. "I'm sorry Thranduil, I need to go. I hope I'll see you later", he said before walking away. Thranduil looked after him as he went away, and wondered if this was a first step to his first friend.

When school was over, Thranduil went home by the bus and made supper as soon as he stepped inside the door. Every day was the same; Thranduil came home from school, made food for himself and his father. If he didn't follow the daily schedule, he knew what to expect; fifteen lashes across his back or being without food for a week. He usually picked the whip since he wanted to be active and motivated in school. He had some horrible scars on his back from the whipping that he covered up with makeup if he was to be without a T-shirt.

Thranduil set the table and sat down on one of the expensive chairs to wait for his father's arrival. He heard the door open and close and immediately put food on his father's plate, he wasn't allowed to serve himself any food before Oropher had allowed it. Oropher sat down on the chair opposite to Thranduil's and started eating in silence. He didn't ask how Thranduil's day had been nor how he was feeling, he held his gaze down at the plate. When he had finished, he let out an almost silent grunt and Thranduil served himself with food and ate quietly. Oropher had already put his plate away on the sink and was now in the living room according to the loud sound of laughter from the room. Funny thing was that Oropher loved watching sitcoms but didn't have any sense of humour or laughter. He was either angry or completely blank of emotions. He always held a straight and collected face at his trials.

Thranduil put away the food and washed the dishes, he went to his room when he had finished the dishes. He checked his schedule for tomorrow's school day and then he spent the rest of the evening trying to sketch what he remembered of Bilbo's appearance.

* * *

**A/N:  
**

**Hello! **** I hope you liked the first chapter of my story "An unexpected inner journey"! TBC.**

**((Mirkel is a mix of Mirkwood and Elven if you was wondering.))**


	2. Chapter 2

"Father, please I-" his pleading turned into an agonizing scream when the whip struck his bare back.

"Father I am sorry, I did not mean to... AH!" He let out a hoarse scream of pain as his father swung the whip and struck it at his back. Oropher stomped his foot into the ground, silencing his son's whimpering.

"You are QUIET unless I say you are allowed to speak!" He whipped the lash once again at the red, bleeding gashes on his son's bare back. Thranduil arched his back in pain, pushing his forehead against the cool floor and drilled his nails into the wood when another lash hit him. He panted panicked for air as Oropher put his foot on top of Thranduil's head, pressuring it down to the floor. It felt like his head would burst any minute when Oropher finally removed his foot, and put away the whip into its black box, walked out of the room.

Thranduil crawled into a ball on the floor; he grunted in pain as the gashes on his back protested of the sudden movement. Tears burned hot in his eyes but he didn't let himself cry. He didn't want Oropher to see how weak was later at dinner. Sometimes Oropher punished him just for crying or accidentally doing something different or what Oropher viewed as wrong. Today was one of those days; Thranduil had not been finished with supper when Oropher came home and that had angered his father deeply. He had pushed Thranduil at the wall, strangling him until his lips turned blue and screaming insults at his face, only to whip him harshly there after.

Thranduil let the adrenaline seep out of him before he shakily got up from the floor, walked with tired and unstable legs to the bathroom next to his room. He stood in front of the mirror, seeing his dead eye blinking back to him, the left eye dimly as usual. Carefully, he took off his favorite T-shirt, almost only in tatters now, whipped to shreds, and threw it on the floor. He turned around, seeing the red gashes almost shining in the dim light. Dark red blood still seeped its way out of the deepest gash, Thranduil wondered if he had to go to the doctor's and sew it together. Though, how could he explain where he got the wounds from? He shook his head in disagreement and pulled off his pants together with the boxers, went to the shower and turned the water on. He hissed and squeezed his eyes tightly when the water poured down his stinging back. He turned off the water and hastily went to his room with a towel around his body to avoid any contact with Oropher. Thranduil laid the towel on the desk chair and then carefully put on some new clothes, avoiding to let the fabric touch his wounds. He crawled on top of his bed and sat there silently for a while. The door downstairs opened and closed, he could hear a woman's humming; it was the daily cleaning service. A careful knock on the door could be heard.

"Yes you can clean my room", he stated simply and the woman came in. Rosie. She was a short but well-knit woman with curly blonde hair and a beautiful smile.

"Hello there Thranduil", she said and waved at him. "You look as beautiful as always", she said merrily as she was dusting the room. Thranduil didn't answer, he was all wrapped up in his sketching again. He remembered how she had looked when she entered the room; curly hair in a knot, dressed in a white cardigan and black leggings.

"Is it okay that I turn on the radio?" she asked nicely but Thranduil still didn't answer. She took his silence as a yes and turned on the radio, humming a little to the music. She cleaned his room, then went out to clean the rest of the house.

"Bye Thranduil, see you tomorrow!" Rosie called and then went out of the house. Thranduil had fallen asleep with the sketchbook lying on his chest, it moved in time to his breathing.

"Hello and welcome to today's sports lesson. Today, we're going to make a steeplechase course and I'm going to divide you into two groups. I will give you a number, either number one or number two and I do strongnot/strong want to hear any kinds of protests okay?" The PE teacher Ori firmly said whilst drawing his fingers through his short beard. It seemed like every teacher had beards on this school. A loud choir of "yes" echoed through the hall. "I knew it's the last lesson of the day but I still want you to be concentrated", he added before he divided the class into two groups. Thranduil ended up with Fíli, Thorin, Tauriel, Arwen and two others he didn't know the name of. The two groups built the steeplechase course and moved to the opposite site of it. On three, Ori blew into his whistle and the two groups started running. Thranduil quickly slipped behind his team, the wounds on his back protested at the sudden movement he made. Fíli climbed the course with no problems, likewise did Tauriel and Arwen. Thorin, however, too slipped behind and went to the side of the hall to sit down. Thranduil could hear him telling Ori that he wasn't build for this kind of sports and if Ori had any protests he would've to take it with Thorin's lawyer. Thranduil rolled his eyes, even though emhe /emhad been flogged yesterday; he was still here and did the best he could.

Ori blew his whistle and said that it was time for a brief drinking pause. Thranduil quickly made his way to the men's changing room but stopped in his steps as Fíli and Thorin stood before him, blocking the way.

"And where do you think you are going Burn Face? You can forget about drinking even a little drop of water. We're not letting you", Thorin said harshly while staring at Thranduil with hate raging in his glinting eyes. Fíli nodded, agreeing with his friend.

"I did not do anything to you. Please, let me go and drink a little", Thranduil begged, hating how desperate he sounded. Thorin smiled menacingly at him and leaned closer to his face.

"Oh, didn't you? I think otherwise", he snared and grabbed Thranduil's wrist harshly. The cuts from the other day stung a little at the sudden contact. "C'mere", Thorin hissed and dragged Thranduil with him to the men's changing room.

The smell of piss and old sweaty clothes was overwhelming in the changing room. Thranduil hadn't been there before since he had changed clothes at home before the class started. Thorin and Fíli forced him to one of the many bathrooms, closed and locked the door behind them.

"I think we need to wash that ugly burn out of your face, BF! Help me hold him Fíli", Thorin barked and Thranduil could feel Fíli taking a harsh grip around his shoulder. They opened the toilet seat before forcing Thranduil's face down the disgusting water. He gagged when he felt the nasty taste of toilet water in his mouth; he tried to break free but the two teen boys were too strong. Suddenly someone pulled his hair, he drew a quick breath before getting forced down the water again. The bullying continued for a few minutes over and over again until Thranduil could hear someone coming into the dressing room. The boys released Thranduil without saying a word, Thranduil bumped down on the floor, coughing and struggling for air. Fíli and Thorin exited the toilet and hurried their way out. Someone crouched in front of Thranduil, he couldn't see who it was because of the water dripping from his hair and into his eye. He hid his face behind wet strands of hair, still trying to get some air into his lungs.

"Oh my god, what did they do to you? How are you? Are you able to breathe?" The voice carefully swept away some water from Thranduil's eye with the edge of its sleeve. Bilbo was crouched in front of him, concern written all over his face. He wore a plain red T-shirt and pair of black sweat pants. His hair was as curly as the day they had met. Thranduil nodded slightly, feeling ashamed as he probably looked pretty disgusting now.

"Come with me, I'll see if I have something to dry you up with." They went out of the toilet and to the place where Bilbo had put his bag. He searched the bag and found a pink towel, gave it to Thranduil.  
"Take a shower and then you can dry off with this okay? I will go and tell Ori that you didn't feel well. Or do you want me to ask him to come here so you could tell me what happened?"

Thranduil had hard time believing someone could be this nice. No one had been this nice to him before.

"I- no. Do not make him come here. I will just let this pass by. Thank you for your help", he whispered, his voice sounding husky and small. Bilbo looked like he had seen a ghost; his face turned pale.

"Not tell Ori? Why? They used the toilet on you right? Please, you can't let them get away with this! They need to face the consequences!" he blurted out, his curls bobbing as he moved his arms in disagreement.

"No please. Let us forget about this. I do not want to make more trouble than I already have. I just want to be left alone in peace." He hated that he couldn't tell Bilbo how much he wanted Thorin and Fíli to face the consequences, but he knew he wouldn't bear to change school and class _again_. He hadn't even been on the school for a full month yet.

Bilbo clenched his jaw, looking defeated and then nodded.

"Okay Thranduil, as you wish. But it's no good."

"Did you tell the teachers when Fíli and Thorin were mean to you?" Thranduil then asked, looking at Bilbo.

Bilbo shook his head, "No I was too afraid and I regret it since they have continued to do it to others", he sighed. "That's why I'd want you to do it but I can't force you." He glanced at his watch again and his eyes went wide. "I need to go to now otherwise I won't be able to tell Ori of where you went before my class with him starts. Take care Thranduil", Bilbo smiled warmly at him, patted his shoulder briefly and went out of the dressing room. Thranduil put the good-smelling towel back into Bilbo's bag, he wouldn't soil it down with his disgusting toilet hair and face. Also, he didn't want to shower here since he was afraid someone of his class would come in and see the wounds on his back. He quickly collected his few things and went to the bus stop.


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear diary,_

_This is the first time I am writing in you since I bought you yesterday. Christmas is within a month and I am not looking forward to it. Father is always drinking as much as he can during the holidays and I always have to take care of him since no one from the cleaning service are working when it is Holiday season__. I really do not want to be his caretaker so I will try to "hang" with someone this Christmas, though I do not know whom. I am not sure anyone in my class wants to be with me and I do not know if I have enough courage to ask either._

Thranduil chewed on his pencil, pondered on what he was going to write next.

_You know Diary? I have never had a Valentine's kiss, never kissed under the mistletoe, never had a new year's kiss, never even had my first kiss. I have not been together with anyone. I have never had sexual intercourse. I have long since given up on getting to experience any of these normal things you experience as a human during your lifetime. Though... I still feel this tiny fire burning inside of me. Hope. I wish I could extinguish it, I wish I could rip it out and threw it away as with my emotions. _

Thranduil closed the diary, put it under his pillow and jumped off the bed. He went to the bathroom, clothed and brushed his teeth, then walked down the stairs to eat something before going to the bus stop. Oropher sat by the table, staring at a page in his newspaper, holding a cup of steaming coffee in his hand. He turned his gaze to Thranduil when he heard his son walking down the stairs. His son wore a white, buttoned thin cardigan with golden laces trailing their way around the fabric. On his legs he wore tight, black pants and his head was adorned with a small crown made of faux deer antlers. Oropher clenched his jaw, hating what he saw with a burned passion. Why could his son never dress as a normal person? Why did he always have to dress as someone different? Oropher stood in front of his son, seeing how he shrunk in Oropher's presence. Oropher licked his lips, enjoying the feeling of control and power.

"Thranduil, my son, could you tell me _why _you are dressed like this?" He reached out for his son's wrist but Thranduil put it behind his back, out of reach. Anger burned inside Oropher's stomach; he licked his lips in frustration and stared menacingly into his son's right eye.

"I wanted to try something that fit my hair better than the clothes you gave me father. I can go upstairs and change it if you want to?" Thranduil's eye was blank in fear, it was almost as he became smaller when he was close to his father.

Oropher shook his head. "No changing. I just wanted you to know that I am not very fond of this 'new style' of yours. I do not want you to go outside looking like this. You are the son of Oropher, of _me, _and I do not want people to think lowly of us Thranduil. Thankfully though, you are going to school with me today. I am going to give you a ride there, but before that, I think I need to do something about that self-righteous smile of yours."

Thranduil felt his stomach drop, his heart skipped a beat. "Father please, I promise I will change clothes. You do not have to punish me. I beg you, I will change clothes, please!"

Oropher smiled menacingly, shook his head and fixed his eyes into Thranduil's. Nothing would change his mind.

Thranduil slowly woke up with an awful headache; he opened his eyes and noticed that he was on the floor in his room. A small, dried patch of blood adorned the wooden floor, pain burned and stabbed him when he tried to rose from the floor.

_I must have passed out_, he thought worriedly and tried to find the light switch in the now dark room. The blinds were down, no light came out of the windows. Once again, he tried to get up from the floor and this time he succeeded. He stumbled his way to the windows, pulled up the blinds. Dim evening light shone into the room. Another pool of blood lay next to the first one, the whip lay beside it; its black string split in two. Thranduil knelt down next to it, looked at it for a moment and then threw it into the thrash can and wondering why Oropher hadn't thrown it away himself. He glanced at the clock on the wall and discovered that he'd missed a whole day at school. How could Oropher have allowed it? If there was something he hated, it was when Thranduil missed school.

Thranduil went to the nightstand table and checked his phone. Most of the times he didn't use it as he had no friends but Bilbo had given him his number when they met the next day after the toilet event. Thranduil didn't even know why Bilbo wanted to give away his number to someone like _him_ but it had made him so happy he hadn't stopped smiling the entire day. Three unread messages lay in the inbox; all of them were from Bilbo.

**How are you doing today? It seems like Thorin, Fíli and Kíli aren't here today. I'm sure you'd like to relax a bit without their presence. - Bilbo**

**Where are you? I thought you said we were supposed to meet at the cafeteria today after your Biology lesson? - Bilbo**

**I asked Tauriel, she said you haven't been here all day. I hope you're all right. See you. - Bilbo**

Thranduil's heart made a jump of joy in his chest. Bilbo had asked him how he felt, where he was and hoped that he was all right! He felt his cheeks flush awkwardly; he sat down on his bed trying to catch his over excited breath before he grabbed the phone and texted a reply.

**Hello Bilbo! I am very sorry that I did not answer your text messages until now. **

He frowned while thinking of a lie that could explain his absence today.

**I overslept and when I woke up I thought it was too late to go to school. I promise I will come tomorrow! - Thranduil**

His phone buzzed just seconds after he had sent the reply.

**I'm glad to know that you're okay! Don't forget to report to your mentor why you were gone today, otherwise you'll get truancy. See you tomorrow! - Bilbo**

The next morning, Thranduil had made sure Oropher was gone from the house before he went down, dressed in the same clothes as the day before. Still, he sneaked out of the house and hurried to the bus stop.

"So do you wanna come to my house tomorrow?" Bilbo asked when the school day was over for them both. They were sitting in the cafeteria, chewing on some Christmas decorated donuts and drinking hot cocoa. Thranduil couldn't believe what he had heard, Bilbo invited him? To his HOUSE?

"We could watch some bad Christmas movies, grill marshmallows in the oven and tell stories", Bilbo's face turned red and he looked away from Thranduil with a concerned look on his face. Thranduil felt his face going red as well and he didn't know what to say. He was so overwhelmingly happy that Bilbo had invited him over and it was so hard to grasp that he wanted to watch movies, grill marshmallows and tell stories with him, _Thranduil_ of all people he could invite.

"I... I would love that. This was the first time anyone had ever invited me to their house." The words just flew out of his mouth and he regretted he had even said anything. He grabbed his bag, thinking Bilbo wouldn't want to be with a freak as him and started walking out of the cafeteria when a warm hand suddenly wrapped itself around his arm.

"Where are you going?" Bilbo asked, his voice sounding a bit hurt and worried. "You didn't say anything wrong. This was the first time anyone _wanted _to go to my house", he confessed. Thranduil looked at him for a moment before feeling his mouth crack into a smile. Bilbo started laughing out of nothing and the both laughed for a good while.

"Okay okay", Bilbo breathed, "Let's say we'll meet around 6 PM outside the school and we'll walk together to my house? Does that sound fine?"

"Yes, it sounds great! See you tomorrow then!" Thranduil patted Bilbo's shoulder quickly and almost ran out of the cafeteria in joy, ignoring the burning pain of the wounds on his back. It felt almost as he had wings and was flying instead of running.


End file.
